Full Circle

Subtitle: How fan fiction helped me move forward in life towards a much happier and healthier lifestyle. And how it continues to inspire to me.

I have a humongous respect for fiction, sci-fi, and films that make you think. Now before you shit on the entertainment industry, let me tell you why my respect for these things is beyond comprehensible.

Throughout my life so far, I have often overworked myself in the name of academics. Many a time I forced myself to forgo nourishment and refused to rest so I could complete the assignments ahead of time — thereby achieving the best grades I could possibly get. I remember each and every one of those nights where I’d drown myself with caffeine and alcohol in order to stay awake. I remember how I purged myself of everything I held so dear all in the pursuit of academics

{And let’s just say I will never be doing those things again as I lost practically my entire personality – what made me who I am as a individual, what makes people unique was wiped from my hard drive so to speak. It took seven years to regain it.}

Moving along to my point, last night I had a revelation. I realized after all those years of disregarding my health for the perfect grade, it was never truly worth it – and that it’s ok to think that. Who would’ve thought that it took fan fiction, that I’ve been putting off for a while, to help me finally come full circle. This one chapter made me overcome my guilt to choose to not study myself to my grave.

Below are excerpts from Chapter Two of “A State of Being.” All credit for the following excerpts goes to the author of the fanfiction called “A State of Being” on the site Archive Of Our Own.

The conversation follows Leonard “Bones” McCoy speaking to Jennifer Kirk (the main protagonist) expressing his guilt for not being able to save a young patient and how he deeply cares about the main protagonist.


“Poor kid, only eighteen. Fucking eighteen and couldn’t hack the schedule. His friend, the one who I got to talk to after the kid already died, told me that he was stressing out over finals and wasn’t sleeping so he could keep up with the coursework and study. The kid was only taking half of what you’re taking right now, and he died Jaemi. He fucking died trying to stay awake like you do and get his shit done.”


“It wasn’t just the drugs, Jaemi, it was the fact that his body was shutting down because of the sustained periods of wakefulness. The drugs just prevented him from crashing until they didn’t.”


“His desire to do better, to do too much for him, not sleeping, I couldn’t help but see you on that table.”

End of excerpt.

Some may see it as a noble quest, however I beg to differ. Dying in the name of academics is not worth it. If I can’t pass, that’s fine. As grades are not a true representation of an individual’s true intelligence.


My revelation also took part of my friend’s (Tim Achesonfan-fic   and numerous conversations about A.I.’s. They have also abstained my constant cynicism on life.

Excerpt from The Story of Eve: Part 3

“How poetic. Can you fix that?”

“There’s nothing to fix. It just is. We’re continuing our research on this phenomenon.”

With life, there’s nothing to fix. There are only things to overcome. This reminds me of a quote from the original Star Trek series. From Season One, Episode 24, – This Side of Paradise – to be exact:

Dr. McCoy: Well, that’s the second time man’s been thrown out of paradise.

Captain James T. Kirk: No, no, Bones, this time we walked out on our own. Maybe we weren’t meant for paradise. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through, struggle, claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the way. Maybe we can’t stroll to the music of the lute. We must march to the sound of drums.

I’d like to end this post with a quote from the great Leonard Nimoy.



One thought on “Full Circle

  1. Having read this blog post right after I finished watching Whisper of the Heart again, I was reminded of Shizuku’s situation in that movie. Like Bone’s young patient, Shizuku pushed herself over the edge in her desire to succeed: her desire to make her dream of writing a story a reality.

    “It’s not easy when you walk your own road. If something goes wrong, you’ll only have yourself to blame,” Shizuku’s dad says to her.

    Unlike Bone’s patient, Shizuku didn’t die. But she did realize that her story that she had poured her heart and soul into isn’t what she thought it would be. And she acknowledges that her story needs work, and that she still has a lot to learn.

    When Shizuku says, at the end of the movie, “I’m glad I pushed myself. I understand myself better now” what she realizes, I think, is:

    “School doesn’t have to be the soul-sucking grind that I thought it was. School — completing my education so that I know more about the craft of writing and can, thus, write better stories — can be a gateway to what I want to do.”

    I’m glad you liked Part 3 of my fan-fiction. It was a lot of fun to write. And I’m glad it helped you. I have to admit, I never thought my writing would help anyone.

    I’m glad to hear that you are doing well. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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